When You Want an Orange Hat, Nothing Else Will Do

"And I wanted you to know I was thinking of you, and you look like a rose. Especially when I'm a long way from home. A long way from home."

Took my high-temperature act down to the bus station. This apartment is such a perfect location. Steps from everything. I can be in the market or the palace in under five minutes. There are banks and convenience stores. There are THREE 24-hour bakeries.

And the city's main bus terminal is very close. Just perfect.  Backpack full of lenses and books, I made my ride with no trouble. They only take cash, though, and I'm starting to wonder if I'll be light by this time next week. I budgeted for using the card at train stations.

But, money worries are for the storks! The main concern on this afternoon jaunt was running out of light. Would suck to get all the way to Sibenik and be unable to photograph anything. I mean, what am I supposed to do, just enjoy the place?

The main missions were to take pics of the heads on the side of the Cathedral of St. Jacob and to buy a Sibenik Hat, which is supposed to be "one of the most famous and recognizable hats in all the world." Why not?

The outset of the trip took me around corners of Split I hadn't seen yet. Buses are good for that. They're happy to go a few more blocks than you want to walk. I saw a giant mural of a Confederate flag on the side of a building. What was that all about?

We rode on through the fog. I cozied up with Shardik by Richard Adams. It's pretty dense and I kept putting it down. It's one of those things you can really only read on a long bus ride where there are no other distractions. I wasn't enjoying it, but I was sort of enjoying not enjoying it.

I was also keeping an eye on the sun. If it went behind the hills before I got to Sibenik.... moan,,,,worry!

We passed through tiny Trogir. Didn't seem to have much to recommend it, but maybe its treasures were hidden. Tiny Trogir Treasures. The book is one of those old paperbacks where the pages are edged in red for some reason, so it felt like a heavy brick. Hard to read, tough to carry, a big red brick.

I decided to just sleep and let the fever pass. Dozed with a wary eye on the sun. Was it dipping too far down, would I be able to...zzzz.

Coughed myself awake on the outskirts. Dazzled by some street murals outside the station, Haven't seen a lot of street art so far, so it was a happy surprise. But would I be able to get back there on foot?

Pulled into a sweet little station with the sun low in the sky. Someone had painted a dolphin on the side of a newspaper stand. The old town was supposed to be a twenty-minute walk from the station, but.. the light. I grabbed a cab.

It was such a short ride, he drove in circles to make it worth his while. So it took fifteen minutes anyway. Joke was on me! But, on one of his unnecessary turns, we passed the murals again, and I figured out how to walk to them, so the joke was on him!

He pointed to some stairs, I gave him more precious cash from my dwindling supply and ran to the cathedral. There it was! It was all right. It's lined with all these crazy heads with great expressions. You feel like they're accurate representations of real people. Like, if the real people were around, you would know whose head was whose!

I snapped shots with abandon. Plenty of light! Just sprinkles of rain. The town was deserted. I wandered through the random, crooked streets and listened to my footsteps echo back. Haunted little seaside movie set.

It was like one of those Lovecraft stories where the town gets given up to Dagon the Fish God. Robed dudes with gills would come out of a cellar any moment now. My own head would be on the side of the cathedral in the morning!

I saw a public ashtray that looked like one of the hats, but no place selling them. Was I not to have one? What kind of tourist town was this? I pictured wheeled carts full of them. I pictured donkeys wearing the hats and drawing the carts.

The cold was starting to catch up with me, so I went deeper into the labyrinth looking for coffee. Even when you get coffee here, though, it's nothing to hold. Back home, I'll buy a coffee and just walk around with it, for the warmth that's in it. Here, the coffees are so small, they often evaporate before you take a sip.

God, love them, though. May the lord bless and keep all hatless small-coffee vendors.

On the search for a drink, a miracle! A woman was moving in the darkness of a closed gift shop. In the window... a hat

I rapped on the window, and she looked up. Startled. A man I hadn't seen was waiting outside for her. Was she in there grabbing cash for a weekend out? I'm not normally pushy, but this seemed like my only shot at getting one of these orange and black toppers! So, I was like, "Hat hat hat! Hey, hat! For my head!"

I mimed putting a hat on my head. I mimed adjusting it. She frowned and looked at her watch. The man frowned. They exchanged grunts. I walked in the shop. I pointed to the hat. My backpack knocked some magnets off of a display.

The hat was expensive (around $40) and I didn't want to use up the rest of my cash. I might not have been able to make it back home otherwise. She took my card. The card worked, She was muttering the whole time. The man outside was making "let's go!" sounds.

I signed, and she handed me the hat! Victory, but at what cost?!*

*(Forty bucks)

Then she was like, "Ach!" and I was like, "Ungh?" and she was like, "Uh..." and she pointed to her watch and drew a 30 and a lightning bolt on a piece of paper. I was mystified.

She was like, "You speak English?" and I was like, "Yes," and she was like, "We closed, so it is hard to... I have with card."

I was like, "Did the card not go through?" and she was like, "Go through?" and she pointed to the lightning bolt. Then the man was like, "Orchard Dobry!" and she was like, "Never mind!" I took the hat and left.

The only thing I can think of is that after hours they have to record credit card sales differently. Because the computer resets? Or something?

I shoved it in my pack. All missions accomplished. Now to double back and get those murals. There was only a sliver of light left. I was totally congested and my eyes were leaking. Worth it. Probably! How profits a man if he gaineth an expensive novelty hat and loseth his own soul?

Walked along the sea and saw some beautiful seabirds and a pair of swans. I laughed to myself thinking about them having matching "Mate4lyfe!" tattoos. I loved listening to the ringing of ships in the harbor. Metal on metal in the wind.

Scrambled around the highway. You're able to get up to where the murals are, but you're not really encouraged to. Possible doesn't always equal permissible. This day had begun with a terrifying climb up a windy bell tower and was ending with a dark, wet walk under a construction site.

There was just enough light left to get them. I had to run across a few lanes of traffic. I had my mother in mind the whole time. Made my way back through a rusty train yard and found the bus station again. I was proper sick now. All the adrenaline of worry and adventure was gone.

Bought a ticket back with my remaining limp bills. Found a swallow of coffee and boarded the bus back to Split.

On the ride back, I kept emptying my nose into my sleeve and hugging my backpack, careful not to crush the hat. I wondered if it had headache-curing properties. I also wondered if my body was exaggerating the sickness to keep me from picking up Shardik again.

Some bad boys in the back were "rapping" and the driver kept telling them to shut up.

They pronounced the "n word" as "nicka."

So it was like a bunch of Croatian and then, "I got a hundred-dollar suit, nicka!" "You see the size of my gun, nicka?"

They were quoting a movie I didn't know when I fell asleep.